I have never been shy about voicing what I want or need in the workplace, regardless of the company culture. This is both a flex and a fault.
At different stages in my career, I should have exercised more tact. Instead, I forged ahead, ready to defend myself. That heedless self-assurance often silenced a quieter, wiser voice recommending caution: Maybe self-advocacy isn’t conflict.
Spoiler: That voice was right. And that wisdom sits at the heart of our latest survey findings.
Last week, we asked our audience where they feel most comfortable advocating for themselves. Instead of choosing a place or a group of people, a plurality of respondents shared that they rarely feel comfortable advocating for themselves at all—let alone at work, which was one of our least-selected options. (Many of y’all feel empowered to advocate for yourself at the doctor, and to that I say, as you should)
What this tells me is that many of today’s workers understand risk much better than I did when I was younger. Workplaces—and maybe most places—feel risky. You could lose your income, your reputation, or your health insurance. Those are real fears.
But take it from someone who started with passion and learned diplomacy over time: There’s more room for self-advocacy than fear lets on. And that room expands when you show up with clear evidence for your case and the knowledge that, oftentimes, you can get much further with less friction.
Let me show you what I mean:
1. You always have receipts.
Effective self-advocacy is centered on facts, and you can collect those facts over time. At work, that could include thank-you messages, metrics, successful projects, or feedback from peers. That’s proof, saved somewhere on your computer, that you’re good at what you do. The more proof you gather, the less explaining you’ll need to do.
Emotions can also be facts—they’re real, even if they’re personal. You don’t need to justify how you feel, but understanding your emotions can help you communicate them more effectively. That’s where point #2 comes in.
2. You know you’re an expert.
Self-advocacy requires you to hold space for yourself. I do that by reminding myself I am not the expert, but an expert—an expert in my own career and day-to-day tasks, my life, my body, my experiences, and my feelings. That mindset helps me honor my worth.
Here’s where the emotion part comes into play, though, and why I use “an.” Because these facts are subjective, I remind myself that other people are experts, too. This allows multiple truths to coexist. Confidence doesn’t require being the only authority—just being a trustworthy one.
3. You don’t just ask—you frame.
Combining evidence and expertise is an art, and it’s one that can finesse your self-advocacy. Instead of saying, “I need more flexibility,” say, “I’ve consistently met deadlines and exceeded my targets. I believe a more flexible schedule would allow me to sustain this level of performance.” Boom.
In a situation that might involve more emotion, I lean into my own vulnerability. Instead of, “I need more information,” I say, “I hear what you’re saying, but I have a few follow-ups that will help me navigate this more calmly/with less anxiety. Can I ask a few clarifying questions just so we’re on the same page?” Clarity builds confidence.
4. You welcome feedback and self-advocacy from others.
Maybe this is less about evidence and more about integrity, but I firmly believe that good self-advocacy should have a mirroring effect. You learn to see yourself fully (the needs-improvement parts, too) through other people, and you invite others to mimic your behavior.
If that dynamic sounds big and scary, that’s totally fair. It can be. Start small: Negotiate your internet bill. Voice your preferred restaurant for dinner. Pay attention to how people respond. Did they suggest a different restaurant? Can you meet in the middle? Did either of you sharing what you want fundamentally change your value—or did it simply make room for it? Grow from there.
