Have you ever had a quarter- or mid-life crisis? According to a survey we ran earlier this week, 68% of our audience says they have, but personally, I’m not so sure.
For me, “midlife crisis” is still framed in stereotypical pop culture terms, like I bought a convertible or I’m renovating a Tuscan villa that I purchased spontaneously while on a bus tour of Italy. As I’m distinctly villa-less, these experiences don’t feel like they apply to me.
What I do know is that my 20s and now early 30s have had these awful benchmarks that pushed me to reassess my goals and path, whether I was ready to or not. Company buyouts, quitting jobs, career pivots, breakups, friendship breakups, health scares—these oh sh*t moments triggered crisis mode time and time again.
The upsides of it all? I’ve become a fierce self-advocate, often reminding myself to keep asking questions until I fully understand the situation I’m facing. I’m also more trusting of my negative feelings—their signals and what they say about my boundaries and values. I’m a better coworker, friend, daughter, community member, and person. And after saying all that, perhaps it goes without saying that I’m more aware of my worth, too.
But that’s enough about me. This week, we asked folks who’ve experienced quarter- or mid-life crises to share their greatest takeaways from that time in their lives. Here a few thought-provoking excerpts from our audience:
“I really wanted my life to follow a linear or at least predictable plan. When my career took me exactly where I set it up to and I realized I had no desire to do that job, it triggered a crisis. It was nothing I did wrong other than not revisiting my own plan and being honest with myself.”
“In my quarter life crisis I was terribly panicked that I hadn't gotten married yet or gotten a degree. But I realized, from a motivational Facebook post no less, that I don't have to be a statistic. I can get my degree later; I'm allowed to take breaks.”
“I realized I had always put myself last.”
“That without resilience and supportive friends, things can get pretty dark. I also realized that being creative doesn’t require a paying job—it’s something you can still nurture and express on your own terms.”
“Change is inevitable: growing through change is one of the best skills you can develop for enjoying all of the seasons of life.”
“The big decisions matter, all the little ones help but can be inconsequential when the big ones go awry.”
“I realized I finally liked who I was. That moment showed me: You can’t build a fulfilling life or relationship until you’re at peace with yourself. When my midlife crisis hit, I knew I had to pause and reevaluate—just like I did years ago. That earlier experience taught me that real clarity only comes when you take a step back and face yourself honestly.”
“I'm the driver of my own happiness and success, and I define what both of those mean for me. If someone (employer or significant person in my life) isn't supportive of that, they're no longer part of my journey and it's time to part ways.”
“As an older adult earning their first degree (it took 10 years, and I graduated at 50), I used to have an existential crisis almost annually. I was studying something that didn't correspond with my current career, and I frequently asked myself: What was the point? I had a job, I made okay-ish money, so what was this degree going to do for me? But once I took the time to understand my why, things made a lot more sense. I did it because it was interesting and I have a core value of curiosity. I did it because it showed that I could accomplish something, even through imperfect practice. I did it to prove to myself that I knew who I was and what I believed in was worthy of the effort.”
“Knowing when to accept and celebrate imperfections—in people, in life, in things—and when to work to improve things—ourselves, our relationships, our world.”
“Nothing is fixed in stone. Your career may feel pushed in one direction by your education or years of experience—but that never means you can't pivot, learn a new skill, or decide a new direction is best for you.”
“I learned to be kinder to myself.”
“Professional stressors are not nearly as big of a deal as having a stable personal life.”
“People progress and achieve at their own pace.”
“That there’s no such thing as the ‘correct’ thing. Do what you want, what sounds interesting, but also what fits your life and gives you the life you want.”
In the spirit of reframing, today, try reassessing your own experiences through questions like these:
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What’s something beautiful in my life that exists because of that hard chapter?
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What’s something small I do now—daily or instinctively—that past me needed?
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What would younger me think is really cool about the person I am today?
