Personal References: What They Are, Who to Ask & How to Ask

Personal references offer firsthand insights into your character, work ethic, and abilities from individuals who have interacted with you in various capacities. These references then help employers make more informed hiring decisions by offering a more comprehensive understanding beyond what's listed on your resume or conveyed in an interview.

If you find yourself in need of a personal reference, here's your guide on what to do next. We'll cover:

What a personal reference is
Why employers ask for a personal reference
How personal references work
Who can serve as a personal reference
How to choose someone as a personal reference
How to ask someone to be a personal reference
An example of a personal reference

What is a personal reference?

Sometimes called a character reference, a personal reference is someone who vouches for your character.

A potential employer may ask you to provide a personal reference with your job application or after you complete an interview. Having a strong personal reference can give you an edge over the competition.

Why do employers ask for personal references?

The information in your application and the responses you provide during your interview help employers learn about your work ethic, prior experience, and professional accomplishments.

The responses your character reference provides tell the employer more about your personality, conduct, and relational skills. Speaking with someone you know on a personal level helps employers better understand what it would be like to have you on their team.

Here are some questions an employer might ask your personal reference:

How do you know the candidate? In what capacity have you worked together?
Can you describe the candidate's work style and approach to tasks?
What are the candidate's greatest strengths in a professional setting?
In what areas has the candidate shown significant growth or improvement during your time knowing them?
How does the candidate handle challenges or high-pressure situations?
Can you provide an example of a project or task where the candidate excelled?
Have you witnessed the candidate taking on leadership roles or displaying initiative?
Would you recommend this candidate for the position they're applying for? Why or why not?

How do personal references work?

The employer will ask you to provide information like the reference’s phone number, email address, and how you know them. Once you provide that, the employer will contact your reference. They might request that your reference provide a reference letter, which is also called a letter of recommendation, or they may request that your reference fill out a reference form or answer questions over the phone.

The employer might ask your reference things like how long they’ve known you, what your strengths and weaknesses are, or how you interact with others. After the employer has talked to your personal reference(s), they will consider this information with the information they gathered from your interview, resume, background check, and professional reference check.

Who can serve as a personal reference?

Unlike a professional reference, a personal reference does not have to be someone you have worked with. While you can cite a coworker or supervisor, you can also choose as your personal reference a friend or mentor.

Other possible personal references:

Your academic advisor(s)
Your teachers or professors
Professional or personal mentors or sponsors
A leader or fellow member from your place of worship
A fellow parent at your child’s school
Neighbors you know well
Someone you volunteered with or for
A teammate or coach from an sports team or league
Business partners or people you’ve done business with

Choose someone you have a current relationship with and have known for at least a year. Current contacts will be able to provide better information, and you may find it harder to secure a reference from someone who you’ve known for a long time but haven’t spoken to in the last year.

And although you may be tempted to, do not cite your spouse, partner, parent, or sibling. While you have more flexibility with who you can use for a personal reference (compared to a professional reference), you still want to choose someone who can be as objective as possible when answering questions about you.

How do you choose someone and ask for their reference?

Choose a personal reference you have a good relationship with. Get their consent ahead of time and confirm that they are willing to provide a positive reference for you (how to do that below). Help the person prepare by telling them what they can expect—a phone call from the employer, an email, etc.

Provide the employer name, the job you’re applying for, and a timeframe for when the employer will contact them. Give the reference a copy of your resume and an update on your career and time to ask questions about your recent work experience. In 2019, USA Today reported that updating your contact on your career progress will help them be a more effective reference.

When asking someone to serve as a reference, consider contacting them by phone or email. If you know the person very well, you can send a text. However, be prepared to follow-up with a phone call to make sure they have everything they need to serve as a strong reference for you.

Five examples of a request for a personal reference (by email)

1. If you speak with the person on a regular basis, send this email

Hi Taylor,

I hope you’re well! As you know, I’m currently job searching for a position as an EMT. I got an interview with Central Hospital and they asked me to provide a personal reference. Since we’ve known each other for years from volunteering at the food pantry, I immediately thought of you!

With your permission, I would like to use you as a personal reference. If you agree to this, I will share your contact information with the hiring manager and let you know when you can expect a call. I’ve attached my resume and the job description for your reference.

Please let me know if you would feel comfortable providing a positive reference for me.

Thank you,
Breonna

2. If you haven't spoken with the person in a while, send this email

Hi Jessica,

I hope this message finds you well. I'm reaching out to you because I'm in the process of applying for a community director position, and I'd love to use you as a personal reference since we volunteered together at the Ronald McDonald House.

Your firsthand knowledge of my work ethic, strengths, and character would greatly support my application and provide the hiring team with a deeper understanding of my capabilities.

If you're okay with this, I'll share your contact information with the hiring manager. I’ve attached my resume and the job description for your reference.

Please let me know if you would be comfortable offering a reference, and if so, the best way and time to coordinate this.

Thank you,

Monica

Read more: Is Lying on a Resume Ever Okay?

3. If you're requesting a reference for a specific skill, send this email

Hi Naomi,

I hope this email finds you well. I'm reaching out because I'm applying for a marketing coordinator position at Bloomingdale's, and I believe your insight into my social media marketing experience would greatly strengthen my application.

If you're comfortable, would you be willing to provide a reference highlighting my proficiency in developing and executing social media campaigns? Your endorsement would be invaluable as I pursue this exciting opportunity. Please let me know if you have any questions or need further information. Thank you for considering my request.

Best regards,

Claudia

4. If you're requesting a reference for leadership position, send this email

Hi Anya,

I'm currently in the process of applying for a team leader position at IQVIA. Given our collaboration on the sales expansion project last year, I believe your perspective on my leadership abilities would be particularly impactful.

If you're comfortable, would you be willing to serve as a reference and speak to my leadership qualities and contributions during the project? Your endorsement would mean a lot to me as I pursue this opportunity. Please let me know if you're available for a brief chat or if you'd prefer to communicate via email. Thank you for your consideration!

Warmly,

Kendra

5. If you're requesting a reference for a career pivot, send this email

Hi Tonya,

I'm reaching out because I'm in the process of exploring opportunities in software development, transitioning from my current role in customer service. As someone who has witnessed my professional growth and adaptability over the years, I believe your reference would provide valuable insight into my ability to succeed in this new direction.

If you're comfortable, would you be willing to provide a reference highlighting my strong problem-solving skills and enthusiasm for learning new technologies? Your endorsement would greatly support my efforts as I navigate this exciting change. Please let me know if you're available for a quick chat next week.

Thank you!

Justine

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