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Humor: 21 Times 80 Percent of 100 Just Wasn’t Good Enough

The gender pay gap isn’t just a gaping hole in our wallets; it’s the difference between KFC and salmonella

On average, a woman working full time earns about 80 percent for every dollar a man does. Although there are many companies and policy-makers actively working to close that wage gap, the Institute for Women’s Policy Research estimates the United States won’t reach pay parity in every single state until 2153. (Wyoming, bless, is 100 years behind the entire country.)

While we all patiently wait for...the 22nd century...here’s a list of 21 other instances where 80 percent of 100 simply isn’t good enough.

1. 80-percent flight success rate

Sure, you braved Frontier and Allegiant like a boss, but imagine hopping on Final Departure Air knowing almost 20 percent of flights won’t make it to their destination.

2. 80-percent dried laundry

You should be happy that your jeans are technically only 20-percent wet—that’s progress! Women before you had to hang their clothes out to dry!!

3. 80-percent married

While “‘Til 80 percent do us part” has a certain ring to it, picture your semi-committed spouse acting as your emergency contact: “An accident, you say? Meh."

4. 80-percent fried chicken

It crunches and wiggles. The best of both worlds.

5. 80-percent house flips

On this episode of Fixer Upper, we makeover an entire house without addressing its asbestos issue.

6. 80-percent of the popular vote

*coughs*

7. 80-percent tampons

You’ll be okay most of the time. But every once in a while—dates, interviews, when speaking to large crowds—you’ll be proudly wearing the red badge of courage.

8. 80-percent all-female spacewalk

You got all the way to space, but failed to pack the right spacesuit.

9. 80-percent windshield

So glad you splurged on power doors and windows.

10. 80-percent Tinder date

He would schedule a date, he really would, but he just can’t figure out how to swipe. Is it left or right? Thumb or forefinger? What happens if you go on the date and actually like the person?? Oh, god. Delete. Delete.

11. 80-percent bikini wax

The mullet of the mound.

12. 80-percent full, forever

That constant gnawing? That’s a not-so-subtle reminder that Lean Cuisines aren’t substantial food, yet in this parallel universe, you’ll never know the satisfaction of pan-seared salmon and sweet potatoes.

13. 80-percent childbirth

They’re mostly out.

14. 80-percent of all surgical instruments removed after surgery

For some of you, this is a reality, and we’re sorry the security scanner goes off every. single. time.

15. 80-percent sober

No, you can’t drive, but you can brazenly tell your boss what you think of her management style at the office holiday party.

16. 80-percent movie tickets

You’d never know how Titanic ends, which is technically okay because it’s sad to watch Leo sink into the ocean, but would “My Heart Will Go On” even resonate if you didn’t experience that heartache? (Editor’s note: We recognize that this scenario also could have trimmed down the Sam-Frodo scenes in Lord of the Rings, so it’s not all bad.)

17. 80-percent ice cream

Some call this frozen yogurt.

18. 80-percent thank-you cards

“Thank you for your kind, thoughtful gift. I’m returning it because it wasn’t quite up to par. Nothing swipes like a Visa gift card, amirite?! XO, Grams”

19. 80-percent iPhone update

Your update is almost complete. Almost.

20. 80-percent Evil Knievel

He never did make that Grand Canyon jump.

21. 80-percent of your male coworker’s pay

Exactly.

This article is part of InHerSight’s month-long coverage of equal pay. Timed with Equal Pay Day, the series looks at how the pay gap affects women of all backgrounds and in all industries.

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By Beth Castle

Managing Editor, InHerSight

Beth Castle is on staff at InHerSight, where she writes about workplace rights, diversity and inclusion, allyship, and feminism. Her bylines include Fast Company, Charlotte magazine, The Charlotte Observer, SouthPark magazine, Southbound magazine, and Atlanta magazine. She holds a master’s degree in journalism from the University of Missouri-Columbia.

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