Love languages aren’t bound to romantic relationships—they shape how we want to be supported, seen, and valued in every part of our lives, including our careers.
At work, your “love language” reflects how you prefer to receive that sense of value. In practice, your language might look like this:
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Words of affirmation: recognition, praise, encouragement, positive feedback
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Quality time: regular 1:1s, mentorship, or collaborative working sessions
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Gifts: company swag, coffee, a surprise treat sent to your home
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Acts of service: a teammate stepping in on a tight deadline, a manager adjusting priorities when you’re stretched thin
While all of these play a role in a positive work environment, words of affirmation stand out, especially since 42 percent of women say it's their primary love language at work and 40 percent say giving shoutouts or praise is their favorite way to show their team love.
Here’s why you crave words of affirmation at work and how to advocate for the kind of feedback that actually helps you feel confident, motivated, and supported.
Read more: The 3 Most Pivotal Times to Ask for Feedback at Work
Recognition at work isn’t a nice-to-have, it’s a necessity
Acknowledgement for what’s going well at work is necessary for building confidence, understanding your strengths and purpose, and growing in your role.
Without proper recognition, even the highest performers can feel uncertain about their impact. As one survey respondent describes: “Hustle culture is hard. It’s an endless grind that sometimes seems without meaning. I choose to highlight the mundane, as well as the big wins, to show [my] team that what they do matters.”
Requesting feedback can also increase your visibility and help you be a better employee. “[It] not only improves your ability to perform the way your supervisors want you to, but it also shows them that you care about doing a good job,” says another survey respondent.
Although most people want the affirmation, only 1 in 4 women say they ask for feedback regularly. Many ask sporadically throughout the year, wait until formal performance reviews, or never ask at all. Part of the barrier may simply be not knowing when or how to ask.
The good news is that some of the most transformative feedback happens in smaller, more mundane moments: when you're wrapping up a big project, checking in after a tough week, or simply reflecting on what's working. And when praise does come, saving it can be a future mood booster. As one survey respondent puts it: “[It means a lot to] receive direct recognition about projects I’ve done and their impact on my organization—all via email so it’s in writing—it goes straight to the ‘Warm Fuzzies’ folder in my inbox for when I need a pick-me-up at work.”
The shift from waiting to be recognized to actively asking for reassurance can feel vulnerable and uncomfortable at first. But asking for feedback is a sign that you understand your needs and you're willing to advocate for them.
Read more: 15 Ways to Romanticize Your Work Wins
Use these scripts to solicit positive feedback
To receive the positive feedback you’re craving, frame your requests around the fact that you already believe in yourself—you're simply gathering data to grow further. Coming from a place of confidence rather than uncertainty tends to bring out more generous, specific feedback from the people you're asking.
Usually, the first person you tap for feedback is your manager. They have a front-row seat to your wins, and you most likely already have some 1:1 time built into your calendars. Before you craft your ask, get clear on what you actually want to know. Most of us are quietly trying to answer the same questions:
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Am I seen? (Do the people above me notice what I'm contributing?)
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Am I valued? (Does my work make a difference to the team or organization?)
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Am I on track? (Are my efforts aligned with what actually matters here?)
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Am I growing? (Is the progress I feel internally visible externally, too?)
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Am I known for something? (Do I have a reputation for a specific strength, and is it the one I want?)
When you know which of these you're hungry for, you can shape your request—and scripts below—around that specific need. Here’s how to prime the conversation:
1. Set the tone before the feedback even starts. After you say, “Do you have a few minutes for a quick feedback session?” follow up with:
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“I'm not hoping for a full performance review, but I do want to understand where you see my biggest opportunities to grow.”
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“I'd love your honest take, especially on what you think I'm already doing well that I could lean into more.”
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“I'm trying to be really intentional about my development right now, so I’d love your opinion.”
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“I want to make sure the energy I'm putting in is going toward the right things and would love your read on that.”
2. Your questions should encourage them to share something positive. Ask:
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“What's one thing you've noticed me do that you think I should do more of?”
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“If you had to describe my biggest strength to someone who hasn't worked with me, what would you say?”
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“Where do you think I'm at my best? I want to double down on that.”
3. Invite constructive input by framing it as a growth opportunity. Ask:
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“What's one thing you think I could shift that would make a noticeable difference?”
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“Is there anything you've wanted to say to me but weren't sure I was ready to hear?”
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“Do you think the skills I'm building now are the right ones for where I want to go?”
4. Reassure them that their honesty is welcome. You can say:
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“I want your real thoughts. I promise I'm in a receiving headspace, not a defensive one.”
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“You won't hurt my feelings. I'm asking because I trust your perspective.”
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“Whatever you share, I'm going to sit with it, not argue with it.”
5. If you want more ongoing feedback, try to normalize this type of conversation so it doesn't feel like a big moment every time. Say:
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“Can we make this more of a regular thing? Even just a quick check-in where you tell me one thing I'm nailing and one thing to watch.”
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“I'm hoping to build a habit of asking for feedback, and you're someone whose opinion I really value.”
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“Even a quick 'here's what I noticed this week' would go a long way for me. Would you be open to that?”
Don’t just tap your manager—ask your peers for feedback, too
Asking your colleagues for feedback can feel more natural and low-stakes. Use these tips to uncover positive, personal insights:
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Keep it casual: “Hey, can I ask you something? I'm trying to get better at [X]—have you noticed anything I do that either helps or gets in my own way?” or “You see me in action more than most people. What's one thing you'd tell me if you knew I was open to it?”
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Take advantage of project debriefs to surface wins: “That project we just finished—what did you think I did well? And what would you have done differently if you were me?”
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Make it a win-win situation by inviting reciprocity: “I'd love to do a quick feedback swap. I'll share something I've noticed about you, too, if you're open to it.”
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Follow up to close the loop: “I wanted to let you know I've been thinking about what you said. I tried [X] and it actually helped. Thank you for that.”
Knowing your work love language is only half the equation. The other half—being willing to ask for it—is one of the most powerful things you can do for your career.
